Clean Slate.

This weekend was full of firsts.  For starters, it was my first weekend of home ownership.  Also, it was the first weekend in my life that I've ever performed manual labor.  Hard to believe, I know, but I sucked it up and worked.  The previous photos I've posted may not fully detail the level of depravity that my front and back yards are in.  (But I took pictures today and will post them soon.)  

Essentially my house has the worst landscaping ever, which means that absolutely every living thing (save two 60 year old elm trees) must be removed.  But it isn't a small endeavor to remove 60 year old, and gigantic, camellia bushes, holly bushes, and other assorted lawn plants.  Not to mention the removal of a hedge that was 25 feet in length, with 25 individually planted bushes to make up the length of the hedge.  

With the help of my father, I worked all day Saturday and Sunday on my yards.  I've raked about a metric ton of leaves into 8 enormous piles.  We used my dad's truck and a massive chain to remove the bushes and hedges.  (Imagine - wrapping the chain around the base of  a plant, and attaching the chain to the hitch, then putting the truck in low gear and hitting the gas - ripping the plant out, roots and all.)  I drove the truck, dad handled the chain.  I also loaded all of the mangled bushes and shrubs into my dad's trailer and went on three separate runs to the Kern County green waste recycling facility east of town.

On top of all of this - which has barely made a dent in the overall work, but was a good start - my dad fired up his chain saw and took down that God awful mulberry tree in my front yard.  After he toppled the upper portions of the tree, my job was to chop up the limbs into small parts and transfer them to the trailer for disposal.  And I performed my job with vigor, despite being filthy, sore, tired, and generally out of my normal element.  

My back is sore.  My hands are raw, despite my gardening gloves.  And my yard looks like ground zero for a landscape bomb.  But the point is to remodel a house and its landscaping.  And in order to truly to remodel you have to start with a clean slate, which means removing everything and starting from scratch.  Which is what we're doing - both inside and out. 

This week, while I'm at work, my dad will take down the other tree, remove all of the remaining plants and bushes, and continue clearing the grounds so that we can design a landscape plan that is not of Mr. Thomas Taylor's previous genre - hodgepodge and tacky.  I'm hoping for well-planned and elegant.  

Creature Comforts.

Today is Friday, January 9, 2009.  My house is having its cheapy Mastercool swamp cooler and old timey gas floor heaters removed.  In its place will be a brand new dual-pack heating and air conditioning unit, complete with new vents into each room, the old floor heaters removed and filled in, a new programmable thermostat, and new returns for the air cut into the hallway.  

This is Bakersfield.  It's like the surface of the sun in the summer, and arctic tundra in the winter.  Goodbye ghetto Mastercool.  And hello brand new heat and air.  As I type this, Holder's Heating and Air has a crew in my attic putting in all of the necessary ducting, venting, and electrical requirements.   And a gigantic crane is coming tomorrow to set the new dual-pack onto the roof.  Good bye $6,000, hello energy-efficient climate control.

At First Blush.

View from the front.

When looking to buy real estate some people drive up and down streets looking for signs.  Old school.  Others take the easy route, hire an agent, and wait to be pampered with emails of listings and to be driven around by their agent in their company Lexus and provided complimentary bottles of water.  Or, you can streamline the effort and log on to the MLS - otherwise known as the Multiple Listing Service.  

The MLS should give the pertinent details about a home, disclose its agents and brokers, square footage, highlights, and school districts.  The MLS also has photographs of the property, which are supposed to entice agents and house-hunters to make an appointment to get a better look.  These are the pictures that were posted online for my house.  They are shockingly drab and shabby.  If I didn't know the neighborhood my house was in and if I didn't have the benefit of seeing the adorable and newly fixed-up properties near by, I probably would have thought these pictures were of a house in south central Los Angeles.  

These horrendous pictures were all that were posted on the MLS and were supposed to "sell" this place.  Ahem.  Ansel Adams, where are you?  These pictures couldn't sell food 

to a starving man.  

Things to note about these photos - 

The tree to the left of the house is a 60 year old Mulberry tree.  I'm allergic to Mulberry trees.  And thank God because Mulberry trees are also the UGLIEST trees on earth.  It's being removed next week.  The tree on the right is of unknown species, although it is suspected to be some sort of elm.  It was not originally planted deep enough, and was so poorly trimmed over the years that it has grown deformed.  It's coming out too.  Also being removed next week....every single bush you see in the picture.  I think I will replace the trees with either magnolias, or with fruitless flowering pear trees which provide beautiful white and pink blooms in the spring, full green leaves in the summer for shade, and a stunning display of autumn color changes in the fall.  

Isn't that putrid flesh color of the house spectacular?  And don't even get me started about the gorgeous taupe roof.  I'm putting a new roof on the house that will be a dark grey composite roof shingle that is curved in shape to give the look of an English tudor-like cottage.  And I will be having the outside plaster repaired and a new stucco color-coat applied, which will either be light grey or a retro, 1950s bluish grey.  I've ordered all new Pella single pane windows with the cute retro white grids in them, which will arrive in 3 weeks and should be installed by the end of February.  The trim of the house will either be white or a dark navy (almost black).  

I also ordered brand new doors for the inside and outside of the house.  My new front door will replace the current pinky windowless slab that you see and will be a rich mahogany door with an oval of glass with brass in it, brass kick plates at the bottom, and brass handles.  I have all new 3 panel solid core doors for inside the house.  If you know doors, you know solid core is the way to go.

With respect to the kitchen...I purchased a total kitchen make over yesterday through Shenandoah Cabinets.  Everything in the kitchen

 that you see will be demolished and taken out, and once my purchased items arrive the contractors will install all new white bead board cabinets, some with beveled glass doors, grey granite countertops, a new stainless steel sink (which is really cool), all new grey slate flooring, a white/black/gray glass tile backsplash, and brand new Kitchen Aid stainless steel appliances.  And I'm adding a dishwasher....hell yes! 

More pictures to come of the bedrooms, bathroom, back yard and more!  And this time, I'll be behind the camera.

The Scoop....

Welcome to my blog, which has been created by popular demand in order to show my friends the latest project du jour.  But first, some background information about how this latest adventure began.

This time last year I was in cold, rainy, and simply wonderful London, England with Miss Mita.  And life was great, despite the miserable weather.  Who can complain when you're (a) in Europe, (b) not working, (c) living the life and partying like mad, and (d) doing it all with great and magnificent friends who are nothing if not fun and fabulous?  (Nods to you Mita, Neel, Nosheen, Sima,  et al.)  The only things missing:  productivity and my family.  And soon enough I realized that despite my uncanny resemblance to her, I am not, in fact, Paris Hilton and I need to work in order to support this lifestyle to which I have become accustomed.  Additionally, I felt a gnawing in my stomach and a weight on my shoulders.  I missed my family.  And believe it or not I missed a little thing called "productivity."  And Taco Bell.

So I packed up my Oyster Card, my mobile, my Wellies and my umbrella-ella-ella-hey-hey-hey and flew back stateside.  Soon enough I was home, employed, and in need of a residence.  To buy or not to buy, that was the question.  And a year ago, if you will recall, the real estate market was starting to slide.  I found a little place to rent in the downtown area of Bakersfield, which is known as "Westchester."  (It is, after all, west of Chester Avenue.)  My new office was located downtown, so I decided to live locally, too.  I rented and waited and I watched the real estate slide become an avalanche.  Buy low, sell high after all.  And let's face it, there is one big downside to working...taxes.  I needed a write-off in the worst way.  What better way to begin the lifelong cat-and-mouse game with the IRS than achieving the quintessential American write-off --- the first home purchase?

If you're from here then you know that the name Westchester brings to mind the quaint downtown area full of turn-of-the-century neighborhoods and streets, historical landmarks, gorgeous mature trees, adorable local shops, some huge 1920's mansions interspersed within craftsman-like homes, the farmers market, and all of the colorful things that make a city's downtown unique and desirable.  While working and renting in the area I began scoping out different streets, houses, areas, and prices.  I did my homework.  Sort of.  

I hired an agent and hit the streets on a mission.  Of course, I chose the one area in town that has the fewest houses for sale, is one of the most desirable areas where the buying competition is fierce and the values stay pretty constant (downturn or no downturn), and where the homes are all old.  When you see "home" and "old" in the same sentence, think "issues"  or better yet "expensive issues."  But I had determination and was pre-approved for a mortgage.  So come hell or high water, I was going to make it work just like Tim Gunn.  

After a few weeks I put an offer down on a stunning 1928, 2 story, 4 bedroom Craftsman California Bungalow.  Andi and I called it the "Charlotte York Dream House" and it was.  I say "was" because I was outbid by over $30,000 and never had the opportunity to have my "Upper East Side meets Bakersfield" housewarming.  I wouldn't say I had a melt down when I lost the Charlotte York, but I was pretty sad.  I couldn't even look at another house.  That was, until I heard from a local contractor and friend of mine that the Charlotte York required AT LEAST $100,000 of rehabilitation and remodeling to return to its former glory.  Needless to say, I dodged a bullet.  A very pretty platinum-tipped bullet with "money pit" etched onto it.  

At this point I realized that all older homes need work, and lots of it.  So I resigned myself to finding a great little house, on a fabulous street, in my charming neighborhood and to suck it up and sink a good $50,000 into my own version of Extreme Home Makeover.  And within a month I found the perfect specimen.  

My house was built in 1948.  Yes, it's almost 61 years old.   The house is a single story cottage, that has 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, a great room/dining room area, a laundry room and a detached 2 car garage.  The carpets were ripped up to reveal original hardwood floors with great potential.  It's 1050 square feet, which is small but perfect for little old me.  The home was owned by a man named Thomas Taylor.  He died last year....in the house.  Here's a fun fact about Thomas Taylor:  a handyman we was not.  And accordingly my house hasn't had any work done to it since it was built which was coincidentally when milk cost 5 cents a quart and it was delivered by a man in a crisp white uniform.  

Work.  What do I mean by "work?"  Well, homes may appreciate in value over time, but if you don't properly maintain them, the only thing appreciating is the land the dilapidated house sits on.  The roof, air conditioner, paint, windows, plumbing, electrical, doors, landscaping, flooring, kitchens.  They all have to be maintained.  But Mr. Thomas Taylor must have been a minimalist.  He did the minimal amount of maintenance to the place and it shows.  

This is why I've titled this blog "Crack House to Doll House" because the house looks like a haven for the homeless right now.  Oh wait, it IS a haven for the homeless because I found a strange bike and a loaf of bread in the back yard today.  But I digress....Dead front lawn.  Overgrown back yard.  Atrocious paint, brick and tile.  The bathroom from hell.  But I have a vision.  I see the Crack House for what it could be after many tens of thousands of dollars, sweat, dedication, hours of hard work and a splash of style.  I put in an offer, and I bought the Crack House for a song.  It's the ugliest house on the block......for now.  Again....fear not, I have a plan.